TAO Beach Club

You would think venturing to Vegas would be a kid free zone, you would be wrong! After hitting the cocktails a little too hard at The Venetian’s new Aquatic Club we were aiming for a tame Saturday.

The hotels main pool area described as a true haven for sun worshippers on their website sounded like the perfect sanctuary to nurse my hangover. Set in over 1.2 acres of the extravagant Venice like grounds of The Venetian Hotel, the pool looked idyllic.

That was until we got closer. Instead of the oasis we thought was waiting for us we stepped in to a kids club for delinquent toddlers, with my head pounding like I’d gone twelve rounds with Tyson the only answer was another drink, just one to take the edge off.

I started steady on the Prosecco but it just wasn’t going to cut it. Several cucumber coolers later and an espresso martini or two, the coffee woke me up, the vodka kicked in and the sound of Eric Dlux playing hip hop lured us over to TAO Beach Club.

The last-minute nature of this lapse in judgement meant we hadn’t booked a bed or cabana so as we entered the lion’s Den we were relegated to stand near the bar. Entry was free due to us staying in the hotel and the place was jam-packed. An array of itsy bitsy bikinis, fake tan, drawn on eyebrows, burnt Brits abroad and men who had escaped their wives for a weekend of debauchery filled the tiny pool.

The beds are supposed to fit five but would only be comfortable for two and unless you like to lay in the shade on top of the horny couple who forked out the $500 for the bed next door, I would suggest upgrading to a cabana, if only to have somewhere to put your beach bag while you take a dip in the overcrowded pool.  After all at nearly $100 for three drinks it is highly likely you will reach the minimum spend.

That being said the set list was amazing and if you are a die-hard hip hop fan like myself you can’t help but have a good time. The twerking contest made me wish I had not skipped the squats at the gym and the girls in barely there red bikinis dancing on the podiums next to the DJ booth, made me question my stiff stance and awkward moves, but after a few more double Disaranos I was getting down like a broke chick at Spearmint Rhino.

The sun was burning everyone who had forgotten to top up their sun cream, my husband included. The sushi platters were sobering up the inebriated and the bottle girls dressed as sexy officers were delivering magnums to the weekend millionaires while shaking their asses to the Sound of Da Police.

Strangely we bumped in to some friends from Manchester, who luckily for us had a cabana which allowed a little rest bite for my feet I could no longer feel and some over due shade for my intoxicated husband who had turned a lobster like shade of pink. Before we knew it the place had cleared and in true Mancunian style we were the last men standing belting out an Oasis classic as we were kindly asked to vacate the area by the friendly security staff.

Yes, I said friendly. The bouncers, the bar staff, the bottle girls and everyone involved made the experience a highlight, so if you don’t mind a slight 18-30’s vibe, rubbing shoulders while swimming and paying a pretty penny for a pint then you have to try TAO Beach Club.

 

 

 

 

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